my love

I figured it was due time for a tribute to the man in my life, Sam.

Now, I'm not what you call a sentimental person. Which is funny because I do think of myself as a hopeless romantic. But saying what I feel? Just not one of my strengths. Kind of ironic, being a therapist.  From the moment this guy came into my life, I can truly say that it has never been the same. It's almost silly how people tell you when you meet "the one", you will just know. As cheesy as it sounds, on some level, I just knew. I wasn't sure if I were delirious or just ridiculously infatuated, but there was SOMETHING there.

Fast forward nearly 5 years later, here were are, as husband and wife.

And soon to be parents.  Crazy how life just passes you by! I can tell you one thing: throughout this rocky road to motherhood, there is one smooth portion of this journey: Sam. I have no doubt in my mind that he will be above and beyond, a great father. I will be the one who'll be freaking out about changing diapers, or which cry means what. Sam will be the one who will be holding the reins and keeping me sane. We're a good team like that.

Sam, thanks for keeping me sane. Thanks for dealing with my end of the world talk and my OCD-tendencies throughout this pregnancy. Thanks for offering to go to the store and grab ice cream and my every beck and call. Thanks for bringing me flowers on my down days, and red vines to make me happy. Thanks for loving me, giving me back rubs, drawing baths and going to baby/labor & delivery classes with me. Thanks for being involved, excited, patient, supportive and loving. I wouldn't know what to do without you. I am so so excited to start this new journey with you.

i love you. <3

tidbits...here and there.

So, I know. I know. I've not been very good at this blogging thing. I really have to say the source of my blame comes from utter exhaustion. Being in the third trimester is EVERYTHING people warned me about...and then some. I am so tired these days, I have to force myself to do things. On top of that, I am super sore. It feels as if I've rode a horse for MILES. No wonder pregnant women walk funny. I get it now. I've also lost my memory (and maybe some of my sanity), if anyone has found it, please return it to me, kthx. Hard to believe I have 10 weeks left...(which feels so soon, and yet so far away.) I have a feeling these 10 weeks are going to be CREEPING by, and if baby decides to be fashionably late, these 10 weeks may turn into 12 weeks, max. Oh boy. Rant: I hate the words preggo and preggy. First off, if my 10 months of being with child resorted to being named after a spaghetti sauce, something is seriously wrong here. & preggy just sounds dumb. I'm sorry, but now having experienced pregnancy myself, pregnant women deserve much more respect than calling this condition "preggy". We go through SO much, so lets dignify it please.

So back to the first sentence here: I am just not good at developing habits these days. Namely, blogging. I have to say I have not forgotten about writing and there were times where I would tell myself  "ohh this would be a good blogging topic!" but...along with my memory and energy, OUT the window it went.

But knowing I have only 10-12 weeks left of this amazing journey, I will see this as a motivator. Ok. Off to take a quick cat nap so I can survive the rest of the afternoon.

pregnant woman walking

I feel like I should wear one of those "caution!" or "yield!" signs on my back. I am a walking case of hazardous hormones! To start off with: those careless/reckless drivers who pull out in front of me barely giving me time to stop (oh, I do hope this baby is deaf, because he/she can hear every cuss word in the dictionary that comes out of my mouth!) but, seriously, people! THINK ABOUT OTHERS! When someone does something stupid (like not paying attention to pedestrian's right of way and attempts to drive as I am crossing the street or someone who fails to follow the stop sign and almost hits me in process,) I am on the verge of tears and for a brief second think about chasing the person down the street and giving him/her a piece of my mind. It is horrible! I don't know if the hormones are to blame or my maternal instincts are in overdrive, but you do NOT want to mess with this pregnant woman walking. I never thought I'd be one of those annoying people who puts up that baby on board bumper sticker and drives about 10mph below the speed limit, but now that I'm responsible for another life, I do have to say that my road rage/impatient driving has cut down some. *note: some. I am still very much impatient. I blame it on my redheadedness.*   I feel this is a little preview what I will be like when this baby arrives. I now know I will be one of those women who will walk around with a purell hand sanitizer to-go everywhere and demand everyone who comes within a 3-feet radius of my baby to sanitize up! I will also be giving free-of-charge dirty looks to those who show up sick or fail to cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze. And to think that I work in a community mental health setting: you can bet your bottom dollar that whenever a client shows up with a sniffle I send them back out the door. I would be more than happy to wear a hazmat suit (with matching accessories, of course) as long as it would guarantee the safety of my baby.  Yes, pregnant women can be passed off as "cute" or "precious", but believe me you, we can be vicious animals ready to attack anyone or anything that jeopardizes our young's health and safety.  I think NOW, if anything,  I can relate to these creatures on "Animal Planet".

"do these shoes make me look fat?"

Oh the beauties of being pregnant. This week's "flavor" of being 'with child': water retention/swelling. Now that we are almost halfway through March, I can bid farewell to the dreams of being able to wear the spring editions of my shoe collection. This morning I woke up almost giddy--it's finally warm enough to toss aside my boots and don my one of many flats. Little did I know, an hour an half later including a measly walk from house to car, car to work building, I was limping in pain. Now at 3:45PM, PST, I am barely able to walk around with the flats I have on.  These patent leather babies a la Kenneth Cole are squeezing the life out of me as we speak. My poor tootsies. There should be a book on the things people DON'T tell you about being pregnant. You hear all about that maternal glow and svelte-ness. I disgress. I currently feel fat with acne-prone skin...it's like...being fifteen again. Plus the water-retention. So add disabled to the list. I'm already thinking what I can wear tomorrow. Looks like I will live up to the name "Seattlelite"--wearing tennis shoes for the rest of my pregnant days. People, it is a given that once you're pregnant you sacrifice your wardrobe. But who ever told you you'd have to sacrifice your shoe collection?!

and so it is...

a fact that I've really not been very good at blogging. BUT, it is still very early in the year and it takes 21 days to form a habit. Not that I will blog daily but...in blogger-world I am assuming it takes 21 posts to form a habit?

Where to begin?

 Happily living in the 98115: Didn't realize how disconnected I felt from Seattle until we moved back from the eastside. We are a hop, skip and jump away from all these good places. I would have to say the biggest dangers are the mall and Target. Will have to practice caution not to get up and go there whenever it tickles my fancy. We are SLOWLY becoming settled. The spare room is currently serving its purpose as a storage room (not not for long!) I still have so much decorating to do and realized that I've never really been big on interior decorating. Maybe this will be a new hobby for the next 2-3 months? As much as I love my sister in law, living with people in general is difficult. I am loving having OUR own place, and it is silly to think in the 4.5 years Sam and I have been together, this is the FIRST time we've had OUR own place. I feel like we are just getting to know each other one again and learning how to cope with each other's idiosyncrasies, and believe me, we have them. I hate dishes in the sink and clothes that are not put away and clutter--I like clean surface areas and no knick knacks. I think the hubby hates that I hate those things. Ahh the joys of marriage.

& baby makes three: being pregnant is such a wonderful experience. I feel so blessed. Of course being pregnant has its ups and downs: feeling fat, not fitting into my clothes, being a weepy, emotional mess, being short of breath, not sleeping well, no wine and/or dirty martinis, sushi...you get the gist. But when I get to feel the wee one move, ohh the feeling is indescribable. I can't wait to feel the baby kick and for Sam to have the opportunity to feel the kicks externally. Right now, the movements are just baby and my little secret. It's pretty cool to have that connection. There are times when I get that "aha!" moment (yes, every now and then...still.) When I realize (more like freak out) that I am going to be a MOTHER. No more selfish me-me-me time. No more sleeping in (something I love SO much), no more shopping for the latest spring shoe collection or treating myself to pedicures. This baby will be our number one. And as crazy as it sounds, I am ready for that. To feel the wee one inside me on a daily basis--I CANNOT wait for this being to come out so we can meet him/her. (And I am slowly leaning towards the fact that we may be having a boy.) But that's just my feeling. Who knows? Pregnant women aren't accurate when it comes to presuming gender. Pictures coming soon.

Ok. I think I've made a good starting point. Now to get the ball rolling...for reals.

shaken; not stirred-- a new metaphor, perhaps?

lets begin this blog by why i chose my blog name, even though i'm not exactly sure why at this moment...perhaps it's because i am sitting here reminiscing having a dirty martini--shaken; not stirred with extra olives. perhaps it's not because i can't have dirty martinis at the moment, per se, but i still want to grasp that old part of me that has changed as i enter mommyhood. not that my life revolves around alcoholic beverages, but it sure does heighten the experience. maybe we can say shaken; not stirred is not only about my love for salty drinks and the classy catchphrase of james bond, but for this rollercoaster of a ride we call life? i could be shaken by certain events, people, situations that occur, but never stirred? eh, i think i'm just going to leave it at the fact that i like dirty martinis very much. yeah. that sounds much better. well, here's a toast to jumping into the rabbit hole i call my world!